I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
