so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
