Barsexuality is the new black.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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