I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
