Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
