I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
