I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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