My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
