normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize