And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
