Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
