Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
