Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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