So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize