id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
