just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
