I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if only i could text you this smell
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
