Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
