Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
