Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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