i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
