Old men and throwing up are my life now.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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