i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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