sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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