Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
