I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh god it's open bar.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
