Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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