We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
