I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
