So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
