I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
