after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
