my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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