He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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