No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
