he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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