You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
