I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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