How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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