who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
People in love make me want to vomit
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Randomize
