i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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