If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize