dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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