$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize