Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
