We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
