I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
