well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
