Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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