What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
