Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
