i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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