Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
