Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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