Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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