My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
