there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
