Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
