I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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