Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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