I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
