Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
