My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just blew my weed a kiss
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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